what would you do if you get chased out from your home? no where to go. homeless and suddenly missing the one who was always hold dear to you. missing the warm you longing to and reach your break down point where you see living life no longer have any meaning. and in that moment of despair one person come to your mind. the one you longed deep inside you. and only because of that person you continue on with a little light in your heart. even if that person doesnt feel the same, you still on hoping for it. slowly you will feel so tired. so tired till it rejects all logic. life or death have no difference to you. you worse nightmare keep on coming back. as if life itself never allow you to forget about the one you love most. it keep on coming and keep on coming till you unable to sense anything around you. and what you miss most is the imposible. and still you continue your life as normal. keep on smiling. but crying inside. crying like there is no tomorrow. tears that you thought have stopped, still flowing through in your heart, your vein, your whole body. a never end winter. and there is nothing you wish more than death to end all sorrow. but still you live on cuz that one person smile. a smile in your memory. a beautiful memory where you keep on living in. why do you keep on fooling yourself?

cuz love is to make us look like fool. as love it defy any logics and senses which make you go haywire. i still love that person.

nothing to do for the whole day. initially was planning to sentosa but it been raining for the whole entire day till late afternoon. so sentosa trip was canceled. and today suppose to be full sun eclipse. but cant find a place to watch it. so end up wasting time at friends house and play lan games. haven been playing for long time. some how today play not like last time. not much feeling in it. guess getting bored for all this game etc. looking for some activities that more meaning in it. hmmm is it what it call growing up. haven have this kind of feeling for long time. and today my attachment company called me. where my working hours will be from 8am to 5.30pm, long hours but what to expect from full time working life style. and the sad part is no more studying or more like the best part lol...

my future car


cool bike(gonna buy it with my first salary)

yeah found job for next week. work in IT fair at suntec. nice!!! one week pass attachment soon. and still haven recieve any call from the company. think there will be no more call so there is no need to wait anymore. this coming wed is my ipp briefing shall see where i am going to attach to.

been going to bank this few days and meet this finance consultant. her facial and action, her build basicly her everything even her facial expression very similar to someone that once close to me. the only diff is their age. sigh!!! feel emo when meet her again at the bank. not only me say so but my 2 buds also say she looks like her. shit i hate this feeling. thought i have overcome this period but i am wrong. how little i noe about myself although i live with myself like forever. sigh!!! sometime you will never noe something for certain although you have live with them for ages or forever. human can never understand everything though they have learn everything. sigh!!! time will revealed man depest inner thought. or what my friend always say "time is the greatest revealer!"

vitagen with collagen?? say will increase your body vitality and help improve your muscle and joint etc... sound too promising but it only for ppl age 25 and above... but can drink it although you are not tt age yet since prevent early can help your future. think i going to try it since having joint pains lately due to overly exercise. i am getting older sad!!!

bad headache. so easy sick now. sigh... dun like this man. well better take panadol and go to sleep. nites all!!!

dam bored today. practically nothing to do for entire day. oni in morning go for jog n some exercise with craw. other than that i am rooting at home. seriously need to find some activity to do man. or else i gonna end up sleeping for the entire day. and just realise how messy my cupboard is. so end up ironing all my messy clothes. mountain of clothes for me to iron. quite fun though. dunno y somehow in the past i hate it not to mention think about it. now it more relaxing than i thought. some how i am looking for something to do to divert my attention and kill time. kill 2 birds in 1 shoot. haha... and have not been smoking lately. feel funny and slight craving. but cant buy since no money to spend also since tml have driving lesson. and my tp is coming soon left with 2 more months.

ive forgotten how long its been
since ive last heard from you
telling me your favourite story
ive thought for a long time
im starting to get worried
have i done something wrong again ?

you cried to me
"fairy tales are only lies"
"theres no way im your prince"
perhaps you dont understand
since you said you loved me
my skies..the stars started to twinkle

im willing to change into
the angel u love in those fairytales
ill open my arms wide
& turn them into wings to protect you
you must believe
believe that we'll be like a fairytale
with happily ever after as the ending

some vid i found enjoy:)

having last exam paper today. i actually awake for the entire night without sleep just to study that module. but dunno why i can still forget all about it inside the examination room. but overall doing well.

then went to sentosa with my EMO gang. our aim is to 100% tanned our skin but end up with 1/5 tanned. but it alrites will go again soon since we all are so free right now haha... no ppl at the beach also, feel like we are owned the beach. last 2 weeks of free days before start my attachment. and i worry since the supposed to be my company still haven called me. wondering what kind of company will i be posted into...

this coming monday is my very last exam. no more exam after this. swee... waiting for attachment coming. after this graduate. finally 3 years in poly going to end soon. rooting enough there LOL. and still browsing around for nice part-time deg course. hard choice: hospitality-tourism and management or accounting and finance include ACCA. which ever i choose, i am going to meet with a dead end. cuz i am going to start all over again from zero. saddening fact to digest.

my grandpa fall sick. went to doc and according to him, he may have dengue fever. sigh!!!

fucked up.. y i am always get blamed for what i nv done.. sickening... yeah whenever everything went wrong who to blame....ME!!! yeah great!!!! nothing i ever do is always right in their eyes. i will always be the clumsy useless n childish... FUCKED!!!!

let memories be a memories. do not taint it with ugly thoughts. looking forward to the future. create a new memories for us to remember.

passed my certification. damn easy to pass...dunno why i can fail it also. waste of money and time too but at least i pass lol...swee haha.. thank GOD for listening to my prayer.

went to library to study for whole day. well not actually whole day, slacking for sometime also lol. and the worse part is i end up at my friend house n smoking frenzy there for the whole lunch hour. but luckily manage to cramp all the chapters into my small little brain. left one more chapter to go. YIPPIEE!!!

dear JESUS CHRIST,
it been sometime since i pray to YOU. i am sorry all this time for forgetting YOU. thank you for all YOUR guidance in my life. thanks will never enough to clear my debts to YOU. my only prayer to YOU, please don't leave me when i need YOUR presence and guidance. thank you for listening to all my laments for all this time and for not leaving this worthless child. in name of Mother Marry and Holy Spirit and Father in Heaven please bless us all. AMEN. dan juga berkati la juga semua orang yang telah menyalahi hamba MU ini. amin.

Don't take too long to say
"I love you" to the ones you love,
cause time has a habit of slipping away

Out on a clear blue sky,
when lighting strikes on a sunny day,
just take me in and keep me from the rain,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you
Turn around to say goodbye,
with each and every word that passes by,
like a distant memory,
and time keeps slipping away,
and time will turn to grey,
and time will be the one who holds you down,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,

And I want you by my side,
and I need you here tonight,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you

Sometimes time will treat you bad,
Before you even know what's wrong,
and in the end it hits you hard,
please tell me you'll be strong

failed my ms certification. sigh!!! 50% of my module just slipped from my hand just like that. but i going to retake it. this time must pass by hook or by crook... come on motivation come to papa!!!

is it ok to break as many heart as you can as long you can get what you want? hmmm been trying to do that but i guessed i am not a hard core bastard who can just break others heart n trust just to get what i want. if anyone out there who can do this, well just wish you a very good luck cuz the happiness you get will never last long. and karma. if you can do that to others, why cant other do the same thing to you. ALL COMES AROUND GOES AROUND. well some people dont believe in this kind of things. but better believe than regret ya!!!

one problem come after another. sigh!!! more bad news are coming for me. brave myself for the heavy-storm that coming. all goes well ends bad...

first wanna congrat one my bud chang wei. happy belated birthday man finally 21-year-old. haha... and please use ur present carefully dun wish any unwanted thing to happen. lol...nice outting for last night also lol... n went home at 5.20 am then rush to crawford house to help his mum with her abacus test thingy. finally drop dead on the way home. been sleeping like less than 1 hours... super duper tired... well time to get my project finished and get on with hibernation period... need my super long sleep after all of this project... lastly took my weight last friday n found out i have lost 5 kilos haa... keep it up man... hoho... one more thing. playing basketball without enough sleep is very unrecomended unless u wanna drop dead on ur way home.

how to say someone is mature? how to differentiate which one is mature and childish? what makes a boy to be man? and a girl to be a woman? how to grow up? how to be a grown adult? how to behave like a full grown up man? what type of man am i?? so many question without answer... walking in circle... lost in my own circle...sigh!!!

a shocking event happened. tried out my old pants. and surprisingly it can fit back again. after so long years. but didn't feel losing weight, instead like gaining. lol... miracles...