moments of waiting seems like forever. i already knew what must i do in future. however the time has not come yet. patience is all what i need for now.

is everything in life is predestined. is everything regard our life had been writen long ago? is there a way to change our destiny? or is it we create and write our own destiny? is there a way to know what is writen on our destiny? fortune fame and life, the 3 basic in life everyone wish to know.

sometimes life is not fair. even though you have work hard for your entire life you can never taste what is success means.

grab every chances given to you and use them wisely. a smart man know how to use everything given to him to the maximum.

the higher you climb the harder you fall. but if you never go high up reached the star how you will you ever know what is a star looks like.

back to school but also feelin very bored too. miss working life. but anyway since my last sem must work hard and play hard. and most importantly must play basketball till my heart content. my last chance to play, scare in future won't have time to play anymore.

so many problems need to faced. when is it going to over? maybe there will be no end to all our problems in life. all i can do is brave it all and pray to GOD. asked for strength to carry on. strengh to faced it all. and a path to choose.

a new life
a new beginning
a new day
a new chapter

a new dream

start something new...

when you grow older ur responsibility getting more and more. look like i am going to stay in this place for good.

pass my tp at first trial. good job for me. thought going to fail since do so many mistakes. but luck on my side. and i PASS haa. one of the best present for this year=) one expenses gone. can save more money from now on.

unwanted day. nth good ever happened in this day for all this years

when i die, i will surely go to hell, for what i am about to do.

4 more days to TP

almost injured my angkle today while playing basketball. luckily nv really injured or anything. and been counting my expenses for next few years after graduate. the amount is huge when i reached the FINAL figures. where to get so much money. sigh. must start to save from now. although have save some till now but still too far from my target. must learn how to PLANT some money.

working is tiring. cracking my brain for entire weeks now just to come up with a good design and user friendly. dam tired and exhausted. haiz.. when can go for long holiday?? last 4 weeks must work harder...

and anyone know anything about access database? i need help.. and looking for a good deal on psp slim, anyone got lobang??

had a very strange dream last night. in my dream someone do a fortune reading on me and say that i will not live more than 30-year-old. strange... touch wood!!!

2 more week to TP.

regrets all rash decisions. now only can regrets all of it. sigh! all bring toward own problems. my problems keep on adding like there is no end to it.

having night blindness is really irritating. you cant see anything clearly at night. and i just noe that i have it too. haiz...

if loving you and keep on waiting for you is so wrong. then i don't know what is right anymore.

I’m always by your side
I can hear your heartbeat
Today and tomorrow too, no matter what time
There is only one answer
If you cannot see the future
I will still think about you without hesitation
I LOVE YOU
I only see you in my eyes. I want to tell you my feelings
You don't need to say anything, just your smile is enough
And one day, in our own world,
It will shine

human born with nothing. but God give them heart. a heart to feel and grow strong. a strong heart will overcome anything that came. what you see with your eyes can be deciving. but what your heart can see is the truth. a broken heart can be mend. a broken heart can be healed. but the Queen's throne in this heart can never be replaced by another. keep on persevere till the end. with perseverance we can gain all our heart desire in life, love and work. I will keep on PERSEVERE till the end...

bad headache for 2 days. so dam giddy. anyway there suppose to b a job exhibition. mayb should go there n check out some stuff for reference. anyway it time to find a job soon too. so time to make a right decision finally coming soon too. graduation...looking forward to it, the next stage of my life.

in such a short period of time u have grown to b more mature. i am happy for u. stay well!!!

lost my way. soon finishing sch and must find work. but right now dont know where or what path to choose. i have many things to settle for but so little time. damn it!!! i hate it when i feel so weak. lose control of my life. and hate to say this but dam smoke is bad for health but still i goes on with it and it getting worse dam!! to all frends dun try it, it bad for ur health and pocket!!

high on liqour and cigarettes

anyone noe about ACCA?

stress stress and more stress... good thing more stress lose more weight...

working under-pressure

feel so restless n tired. for whole day i am thinking what have i done so far? then somehow i feel so lost. lost the way, lost my destination in life. a man need to find their own path in life. looking for answer. and eventually i dont know what it is that i wan in my life. i feel so old, feel so incomplete. this feeling of incomplete making me feel so tired.

i will keep on waiting. and sorry i cant fullfil my promise to live longer than you.

i never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

[Bridge]
So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

[Chorus]
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

[Verse 2]
It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

[Bridge]
Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

[Chorus]
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

[Bridge]
So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afriad of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you wanted to be

Baby I will wait for you (For you)
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing i do

[Chorus]
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

please legs dont give up on me now!!! dam it!!!

my world stirred up by your words

the forgotten day of ours

nothing ever goes well right now. before was my throat which till now still feel pain. and now my both knee. overstress my both knee everytime play basketball or when training at gym. and the pain never gone till now. dam it. even want to stand up also difficult. mayb must let go basketballing. my only hope in life also going furthur. my only hobby. God please forgive me for destroying this body You gave me. i won quit basketball even if i will go cripple!!!

life is short. time move too fast. for some, life is shorter and time move faster.

smoke too much now pay the price

still cant eat that well till today ever since fall sick. my throat is killing me and still keep on cough for no reason. mayb should follow what the doc say. go for check up and shall see how. but honestly scare to get news i dun wish to hear.

jika aku masih ada waktu hanya satu permintaanku. mau melihat wajah mu untuk yang terakhir kalinya. tetapi berat rasa hati ini untuk menemuimu. semua yang dapat kuberikan hanyalah kesedihan. tetesan air matamu yang tak ingin kulihat. air matamu itu yang membuatku meninggalkanmu. yang membebani hidupku. yang memenjarakan jiwaku. sulit bagiku untuk melupakanmu. jejak kakimu yang telah terukir di dalam hati ini sudah tidak dapat dihapus. sewaktu aku meninggalkanmu, ku sangka kau kan bahagia. tetapi tidak. ingin rasa hati ini untuk memanggil mu. memanggil nama mu. memeluk diri mu walaupun sekejab. tetapi rasa takut menyelubungi seluruh hatiku. tidak sanggup melawan tidak ada alasan untuk melawan. kerap memandangi dan mendatangi tempat yang selalu kita datangi. hanya demi untuk melihat mu. mungkin sudah takdir ku untuk kehilangan dirimu. hanya ingin kau tahu, seberat apapun hidup mu, aku selalu mendoakan mu. selalu menunggu dirimu. untuk kembali kedalam hidupku. andai saja kau mengerti arti semua ini. hanya satu yang ku harapkan dari mu. hidup dengan bahagia sayangku. api dalam hidup ini masih menyala karena janjiku kepadamu. janji yang kali ini aku bersumpah untuk aku gengam sampai akhir hidupku. aku mencintaimu seumur hidupku walaupun kau tak mencintaiku lagi.

love is never lost. it just wait to be discovered by someone who knoe how to love.

I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me
I wander within that repetition
I found one answer; that even if I’m scared, even if I’m hurt
I can say “I love you” to the person who I love

Do you love me? Or not love me?
As for things like that, it’s already fine either way
No matter how I wish
There are many unchangeable things in this world, right?
That’s right, and because only the fact of my loving you Is the truth unchangeable by anyone

I want to overcome the thousands of nights and tell it to you
There’s something that I must tell you
I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me
I wander within that repetition
I found one answer; that even if I’m scared
Even if I’m hurt, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
It’s scary to turn my feelings into words
But I can say “I love you” to the person who I love

In this broad world, I can’t express the joy of encountering you with words
So we smile, sing about the vividly passing autumn in do-re-mi
Turn our backs on winter, wait for the sunlight streaming through trees in spring
And become reborn anew, so that we can protect someone

On the path we came from and our destination, when we looked back, I’d always have timid eyes
I want to face you, but I can’t be honest
I, who repeated days of not being able to straightforwardly love my partner
And hated being alone on that day
Seemed to love people while unwounded

I’ll overcome the thousands of nights and go meet you now
There is something that I must tell you
I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me
I wander within that repetition
I found one answer; that even if I’m scared
Even if I’m hurt, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
Even if those thoughts aren’t fulfilled, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
It’s the most wonderful thing in this world

if there is regret in my life. i regret nv keep u by my side. i nv regret knowing you.

took mc today. my body feeling so sick that even wan to sleep is very difficult. and just hoping tonight the fever won go up. cuz got the feeling it will. but luckily my pig cushion companion is there. can help to fall sleep also. dunno y it feel so warm today. feel like the one who give it to me. the warm and comfort. time to get back to sleep and rest.

last sem result out. overall performance is so so just barely pass. which is good since i thought i will fail and also my failing rate is very high. but managed to pass. going to register for ACCA soon also. will see when they going to open the registration. fill my time with everything i can find to do. work and study. a no life person. sickening but must accept the truth. lifeless.

emo song

sometimes i just too heck care about everything around me. thus bring me to this state. i dont know how to appreciate everything i have till i lost it. mayb this is human nature. if only i can be more sensible maybe will never happen this way. can we turn back the time? if can maybe we will never end up like this. all maybe and if but in reality can it really happen. all i have gain, all my achivement means nothing without someone to share it with. nothing i can do. nothing i can hope. all hopes have been broken. all i can do is pray no matter where you are and what you do, there will be my angel watching over you. and i will continue to dreamt of you.

went for another surprise meeting again today. still discuss about the same topic. and to my surprise my supervisor told me the man that came is our dep VP which mean our big boss. so shock since he doest have the look but he has the attitude. the way he speaks and think, everything. no wonder he speak in such authority tone when saw him during our first meeting. now i noe how it feel to work under stress. and must expect more work coming soon on monday. like the way they work and etc. best of all is my luck to get a good supervisor. but no luck in my other part of life. i hate september. emo month...

went to my very first meeting with the supervisors. there are 3 supervisors that supposed to attend the meeting but oni 2 that came. very nervous especially haven done my work for the presentation. and also dun wan to bring problem for my attachment supervisor. so end up doing my work till 1 pm meeting and only go for 10 mins break. and manage to finish all by 4. shagged n tired some more slight cold and flu. was so nervous i end up posting wrong file into the server. damn... then must rush back to office and post it again. one thing i learn is that although all of those bossess speak softly and gentle but their words carry a heavy weight on you. wish in future i can speak like them. so cool!!! must learn as much as i can while i am working there.

"so near but yet so far"

first week of attachment passed. overall the work there is nice. good environment and the people there also nice. and my work currently just doing some admin stuff. although only admin work but learn lot things there, which you cant learn from sch. hopefully they wan to employed me in future after my graduation. 6 months to go. and for my pr. well work harder from now on.

dear GOD please guide me. i need your guidance desperately. and keep on protecting and keep her warm for enternity. i surrender all to YOUR ALMIGHTY will. AMEN.

i have enough bad news around me and coming my way. i had enough of it please, GOD let everything goes well from now on. MOTHER MARRY please bless us all and all around me. dear JESUS CHRIST i beg you save me from this torment, this unworthy child. AMEN.

feel like i have been drifting around. without aim nor goal nor motivation. why is it become worse with each passing days. how to pick up all the pieces? i still cant find the ans. will you come back? i am not me anymore. dont even knoe who i am or what i have become. i need you more than you think...

working in the IT fair for 3 days now. this sunday is the last day. the working time and overall my job scope fairly easy. but one thing i cant stand is must stand for the entire day till it close and my legs is killing me. but lucky the boss is understanding regarding break. smoking break is a must to boost ur mental to fight the tiredness from your leg. and monday i am starting my attachment. lucky attached to same company as my classmate or else gonna be very lonely. and the location is best very near my house lol. but still dont know what is my job scope is.

what would you do if you get chased out from your home? no where to go. homeless and suddenly missing the one who was always hold dear to you. missing the warm you longing to and reach your break down point where you see living life no longer have any meaning. and in that moment of despair one person come to your mind. the one you longed deep inside you. and only because of that person you continue on with a little light in your heart. even if that person doesnt feel the same, you still on hoping for it. slowly you will feel so tired. so tired till it rejects all logic. life or death have no difference to you. you worse nightmare keep on coming back. as if life itself never allow you to forget about the one you love most. it keep on coming and keep on coming till you unable to sense anything around you. and what you miss most is the imposible. and still you continue your life as normal. keep on smiling. but crying inside. crying like there is no tomorrow. tears that you thought have stopped, still flowing through in your heart, your vein, your whole body. a never end winter. and there is nothing you wish more than death to end all sorrow. but still you live on cuz that one person smile. a smile in your memory. a beautiful memory where you keep on living in. why do you keep on fooling yourself?

cuz love is to make us look like fool. as love it defy any logics and senses which make you go haywire. i still love that person.

nothing to do for the whole day. initially was planning to sentosa but it been raining for the whole entire day till late afternoon. so sentosa trip was canceled. and today suppose to be full sun eclipse. but cant find a place to watch it. so end up wasting time at friends house and play lan games. haven been playing for long time. some how today play not like last time. not much feeling in it. guess getting bored for all this game etc. looking for some activities that more meaning in it. hmmm is it what it call growing up. haven have this kind of feeling for long time. and today my attachment company called me. where my working hours will be from 8am to 5.30pm, long hours but what to expect from full time working life style. and the sad part is no more studying or more like the best part lol...

my future car


cool bike(gonna buy it with my first salary)

yeah found job for next week. work in IT fair at suntec. nice!!! one week pass attachment soon. and still haven recieve any call from the company. think there will be no more call so there is no need to wait anymore. this coming wed is my ipp briefing shall see where i am going to attach to.

been going to bank this few days and meet this finance consultant. her facial and action, her build basicly her everything even her facial expression very similar to someone that once close to me. the only diff is their age. sigh!!! feel emo when meet her again at the bank. not only me say so but my 2 buds also say she looks like her. shit i hate this feeling. thought i have overcome this period but i am wrong. how little i noe about myself although i live with myself like forever. sigh!!! sometime you will never noe something for certain although you have live with them for ages or forever. human can never understand everything though they have learn everything. sigh!!! time will revealed man depest inner thought. or what my friend always say "time is the greatest revealer!"

vitagen with collagen?? say will increase your body vitality and help improve your muscle and joint etc... sound too promising but it only for ppl age 25 and above... but can drink it although you are not tt age yet since prevent early can help your future. think i going to try it since having joint pains lately due to overly exercise. i am getting older sad!!!

bad headache. so easy sick now. sigh... dun like this man. well better take panadol and go to sleep. nites all!!!

dam bored today. practically nothing to do for entire day. oni in morning go for jog n some exercise with craw. other than that i am rooting at home. seriously need to find some activity to do man. or else i gonna end up sleeping for the entire day. and just realise how messy my cupboard is. so end up ironing all my messy clothes. mountain of clothes for me to iron. quite fun though. dunno y somehow in the past i hate it not to mention think about it. now it more relaxing than i thought. some how i am looking for something to do to divert my attention and kill time. kill 2 birds in 1 shoot. haha... and have not been smoking lately. feel funny and slight craving. but cant buy since no money to spend also since tml have driving lesson. and my tp is coming soon left with 2 more months.

ive forgotten how long its been
since ive last heard from you
telling me your favourite story
ive thought for a long time
im starting to get worried
have i done something wrong again ?

you cried to me
"fairy tales are only lies"
"theres no way im your prince"
perhaps you dont understand
since you said you loved me
my skies..the stars started to twinkle

im willing to change into
the angel u love in those fairytales
ill open my arms wide
& turn them into wings to protect you
you must believe
believe that we'll be like a fairytale
with happily ever after as the ending

some vid i found enjoy:)

having last exam paper today. i actually awake for the entire night without sleep just to study that module. but dunno why i can still forget all about it inside the examination room. but overall doing well.

then went to sentosa with my EMO gang. our aim is to 100% tanned our skin but end up with 1/5 tanned. but it alrites will go again soon since we all are so free right now haha... no ppl at the beach also, feel like we are owned the beach. last 2 weeks of free days before start my attachment. and i worry since the supposed to be my company still haven called me. wondering what kind of company will i be posted into...

this coming monday is my very last exam. no more exam after this. swee... waiting for attachment coming. after this graduate. finally 3 years in poly going to end soon. rooting enough there LOL. and still browsing around for nice part-time deg course. hard choice: hospitality-tourism and management or accounting and finance include ACCA. which ever i choose, i am going to meet with a dead end. cuz i am going to start all over again from zero. saddening fact to digest.

my grandpa fall sick. went to doc and according to him, he may have dengue fever. sigh!!!

fucked up.. y i am always get blamed for what i nv done.. sickening... yeah whenever everything went wrong who to blame....ME!!! yeah great!!!! nothing i ever do is always right in their eyes. i will always be the clumsy useless n childish... FUCKED!!!!

let memories be a memories. do not taint it with ugly thoughts. looking forward to the future. create a new memories for us to remember.

passed my certification. damn easy to pass...dunno why i can fail it also. waste of money and time too but at least i pass lol...swee haha.. thank GOD for listening to my prayer.

went to library to study for whole day. well not actually whole day, slacking for sometime also lol. and the worse part is i end up at my friend house n smoking frenzy there for the whole lunch hour. but luckily manage to cramp all the chapters into my small little brain. left one more chapter to go. YIPPIEE!!!

dear JESUS CHRIST,
it been sometime since i pray to YOU. i am sorry all this time for forgetting YOU. thank you for all YOUR guidance in my life. thanks will never enough to clear my debts to YOU. my only prayer to YOU, please don't leave me when i need YOUR presence and guidance. thank you for listening to all my laments for all this time and for not leaving this worthless child. in name of Mother Marry and Holy Spirit and Father in Heaven please bless us all. AMEN. dan juga berkati la juga semua orang yang telah menyalahi hamba MU ini. amin.

Don't take too long to say
"I love you" to the ones you love,
cause time has a habit of slipping away

Out on a clear blue sky,
when lighting strikes on a sunny day,
just take me in and keep me from the rain,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you
Turn around to say goodbye,
with each and every word that passes by,
like a distant memory,
and time keeps slipping away,
and time will turn to grey,
and time will be the one who holds you down,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,

And I want you by my side,
and I need you here tonight,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you

Sometimes time will treat you bad,
Before you even know what's wrong,
and in the end it hits you hard,
please tell me you'll be strong

failed my ms certification. sigh!!! 50% of my module just slipped from my hand just like that. but i going to retake it. this time must pass by hook or by crook... come on motivation come to papa!!!

is it ok to break as many heart as you can as long you can get what you want? hmmm been trying to do that but i guessed i am not a hard core bastard who can just break others heart n trust just to get what i want. if anyone out there who can do this, well just wish you a very good luck cuz the happiness you get will never last long. and karma. if you can do that to others, why cant other do the same thing to you. ALL COMES AROUND GOES AROUND. well some people dont believe in this kind of things. but better believe than regret ya!!!

one problem come after another. sigh!!! more bad news are coming for me. brave myself for the heavy-storm that coming. all goes well ends bad...

first wanna congrat one my bud chang wei. happy belated birthday man finally 21-year-old. haha... and please use ur present carefully dun wish any unwanted thing to happen. lol...nice outting for last night also lol... n went home at 5.20 am then rush to crawford house to help his mum with her abacus test thingy. finally drop dead on the way home. been sleeping like less than 1 hours... super duper tired... well time to get my project finished and get on with hibernation period... need my super long sleep after all of this project... lastly took my weight last friday n found out i have lost 5 kilos haa... keep it up man... hoho... one more thing. playing basketball without enough sleep is very unrecomended unless u wanna drop dead on ur way home.

how to say someone is mature? how to differentiate which one is mature and childish? what makes a boy to be man? and a girl to be a woman? how to grow up? how to be a grown adult? how to behave like a full grown up man? what type of man am i?? so many question without answer... walking in circle... lost in my own circle...sigh!!!

a shocking event happened. tried out my old pants. and surprisingly it can fit back again. after so long years. but didn't feel losing weight, instead like gaining. lol... miracles...

"The worst feeling isn't being lonely; it's being forgotten by someone you would never forget"
by: Ivan

Q:wat is luv?
a:luv is wen sum1 breaks urheart n d most amazing thing is tat u stil luv them wid evry broken piece..!

U may be out of my sight, but not out of my heart, U may be out of my reach but not out of my mind.I may mean nothing to u but u will always be special to me!!

found out that i am going for industrial attachment first for next semester. finally this sem going to end. without i realise it going to be 6 months. sigh...it has been so long...

"Hate That I Love You"

As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

But you won't let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

But I hate it...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

Said it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I... love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

Yeaahhh... Oohh...

As much I love you (as much as I need you)
As much as I need you (oooh..)
As much I love you (oh..)
As much as I need you

And I hate that I love you so
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. so...

getting tired. why is it very hard for poeple to understand me. is it that hard. i am quite doesn't mean i don't know anything. it just i don't wish to say anything. vexed!!! poeple grow up every single day. i am not the boy who just came here and need to be thought every single thing. before you realise it, that boy already long time gone. keeping too many troubles inside. feel so so tired. too much to take too much to handle... simply too much...

living today to the fullest will lead to better tomorrow...

oh, i carry a photograph
girl of the way you used to be
love looking back at me, now it's just a memory
you were all laughter then
and you were my light when it was dark
how did we lose our way, how did we fall apart
'cause something in our kisses
said love would never end
and deep down you still feel it too
but you won't let me in

so when you smile like mona lisa
my heart falls to pieces
('cause) smiling just can't hide
all the sadness in your eyes
if i could only hold you
love you like i used to
but girl what can i do
when you smile like mona lisa

the way that i held you close
the way that you whispered my name
we made a work of art
know there's just an empty frame

all we had
baby we could have again
and deep down you still feel it too
but you won't let me in

so when you smile like mona lisa
my heart falls to pieces
('cause) smiling just can't hide
all the sadness in your eyes
if i could only hold you
love you like i used to
but girl what can i do
when you smile like mona lisa

so when you smile like mona lisa
my heart falls to pieces
('cause) smiling just can't hide
all the sadness in your eyes
if i could only hold you
love you like i used to
but girl what can i do
when you smile like mona lisa

i carry a photograph
girl of the way you used to be...

somehow today feel less stressfull n less emo. nice feeling... and i am nearing bankrup. can start worry about my school work. no interest in continuing anymore. maybe i should quit schooling. but then my 3 years of work will be wasted just like that. not worth it ya... well will just aim for pass. it all i can do for now. every single thing went wrong... frustration...

sometimes you can't do everything by yourself. you need people around you to help you pull through everything. why suddenly i become such a weak person?

looks like i am going to fail this semester.

feeling so tired. keep trying to smile while i actually not feel like smiling. feel my life so fake. talk to my friend. he say "if you loved someone and you can find another person so easily to replace him. is it called love?". all promises are broken. all dreams are shattered. love is crap. a rubbish talk who only those that believe will say. learn it the hard way. love is nothing much than a dream. dream will always remain as a dream. love is the most lethal poisonous subtance in the world. first it will drunk you and make you feel high. next it will kill you instantly. no more for me. for my heart had died...

my zippo lighter

my cigarettes case

went to Far East to buy these. looks cool so decided to buy it lol..

found this pic. nice. suit what i feel for now. it's getting harder each day to live

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love,
In the spring, becomes the rose.

humans heart and soul are so fragile. cant withstand hardship nor temptation. when everything goes wrong, you have none other than yourself to rely on. support from people around you will always remain as support. you will need to pull yourself together to move on. my perfect world, slowly but surely are collapsing. idolisation, guidance none is left. nothing left but myself. eventually none i can rely on except myself. stay strong!!!

starting to get irritated with my life. one after another. all my problems, all come to find me. think i what. problem solver ar... one day all of this problems will kill me soon...soon...everything goes very wrong. if i have all the money, everything will be solve. i have nothing left.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

can't controled myself anymore!!!!!!!!!! i almost punch the stupid aunty at e printing shop. fuck you la. not my fault and she scold me. and went back to class and someone took my fucking chair. my leg already killing me and still someone took my chair. fuck la... ARGH!!!

went for smu talk. not much info i can get as there are none of the smu lecturer there. all there are only those poly students who went to smu and give talk about life in smu.

still need to rush for project. left with 3 mere short weeks to complete all the works. my last studying semester. shall earn as much points as possible. finally graduation day are getting nearer. soon will leave sch life and maybe will miss it. left with few weeks of studying. yeah finally, cant wait till the day come.

after sch went to play basketball with fabian and some of his team mates. learn a good lesson today. compare to them my speed and stamina still far behind. feel like so noob when playing with them. knoe my limit. and will break it. anyway limits are meant to be broken. and i maybe a little bit put too much stress on my knee while playing. end up having difficulies to walk after that.

time is passing too fast sometimes. making you unable to enjoy all the good things in world.

finally collect my pay cheque. initially was planning went to bugis for gym right after sch. but canceled due to my pay cheque. no body could collect it for me thus must went down and get it by myself so end up not going to gym. then the lady boss was asking whether we all could work for next week. still considering but most likely will work. yeah another source of income for me lol.

work work work

wanna congrat my EMO friend. it's his birthday today haha. congrat man all best wishes for you!!

and i am late for class. still at home lazy to go. shooot la....each day passed it getting bored...........

when you are unhappy admitt that you are. there is no point in hiding it. it will only make you feel worse. after a good cry everything will be ok and you will be able to feel happy once more.

just come back from clubbing. overall today clubbing is fun though a bit squezzy but still it is fun. addicted to their liqour haha... but it too ex for my pocket to handle. must find work to support it haha. nice songs nice babes around and nice dancing wooooottt.... must go more lol... liqour smoking n clubbing my life getting more bold these day lol. this is what it called enjoying while you can. lets release the "beast" inside!!!

oh ya and i am looking for guitar. anyone knoe where to buy one good guitar at cheaper price??

watched this jap show about love. a truely nice show. but this kind of love will only happen in movie not in reality. true love, does it exist? can it last till end of time? will it able to go through all obstacle? i guess nope. there are no such thing that will last forever. life with the flow anything come to you it just a bonus. letting go is one of lesson in life.

first of all i wanna congrat my budd, hanyu. he graduate from nyp today and joining nus by next august. congrats man!! knoe you will make it far. but guessed as much since u are dam good at studying lol. well looks like we cant play basketball anymore since we all staying so far away. but still good luck in nus and please find some pretty gals from nus for me lol...

this year is a bad year. just found out from my aunt that my youngest uncle had divorce. nothing will last forever. is it true? i hate this kind of feeling. and i hate myself for remembering the past. am i still running away?

feel so lifeless. wanna go working but cant work now. only can wait till time i can start full time work. well anyway today went to watch movie transformer. and get a pair of adidas shoes. wanted to buy the bag also buy way over budget. shall wait till my pay come first. till then can only browse around. and still cough like hell and it gets worse especially at night.

felling so tired. don't know what wrong. been training all days but still can feel tired easily. cant keep eyes open in class or in bus or anything. sleeping disorder i guess. anyway these last 2 weeks have not been going gym as much as usual. shall continue my training by next week.

another thing is although i regret to admit it, but looks like i cant stop smoking. without it i feel so lethargic.

decided not to close this blog haha.. now time to write for fun. hmmm suddenly have strong urge to learn some music. maybe play a guitar. can anyone teach me how to play!!! and time to polish back my piano skill. long time haven't play my skill now very rusty. considering to find a good tutor who can teach me play it properly. its been 10 donkey years since i touch a piano. LOL

still looking around for a good degree course. wanted a degree that contain both accounting and finance but very hard to find. the best i can find is double major in both. none of double degree. however already decided to take a certified accoutant course which i must complete in 10 years. OMG!!! such a long time. well they say it's not easy to pass so they give 10 years to complete the whole programme. seems like i will stay here for some time again. maybe staying here for good.

and my sis coming next year to continue her studies here. and till now i haven't done any planning for her. shit!!! time is running out.... human can wait time to pass by but time never wait for anyone...

and i still coughing nonstop zzzZZZzzz...

time pass so slow. can't it go any faster!!! i want to forget about the past. but why when i starting to forget there is always something to remind me of it. am i not meant to forget it?

well finally i ready to move on. and maybe the time to close this blog has come finally. all my wishes and prayers only for you regardless of wherever i may be. good bye dear. wishing you eternal happiness.

finally the story of big bear and cutie pig ended here.

there is end for everything. i dedicated this entry for my ex. my dearest girl. maybe i should have said this long time ago. and if by any chance you read this, please forgive my foolishness. you are right i just refusing to see the truth about us for such a long time. maybe all this promises of waiting for you has make me feel so tired thus we ended up like this. and also making you so tired. but i am happy for you have find the man you love. although it's pain but as long as you are happy i will be happy. and i will always pray for you. the blessing you have been wishing to get when we seperated. i can give it to you now. i will always love you like before till now it never change nor will it change. sorry for me being such a coward not dare to say this in front of you. if fate really exist, may we meet again someday somewhere in this small part of the world. wishing you all the goodness of life. and sorry and farewell. I LOVE YOU..

learning how to live by myself

sold few sets of pc today. well at least can earn few bucks more. tomorrow sales target must break my today record lol. and my leg is killing me. checking my body muscle today. my left arm is way too muscular compare to my right arm. wrong regime of training. haiz sadded. and my right palm bone structure is very wierd. some how out of shape. punching the wall too much. haiz. sadded...

working is fun. now i realise i am workaholic. find pleasure in working LOL. sold 1 pc though it share work with fabian but fun haha...

last 3 days of holiday. finally found a job. well all the best for me. hope can sell as many com as i can. however, don't really like the place. have some memories there. but it's alrights. focus on the money. and my cough still there. haiz. think i have lung cancer. can finish the whole pack of cigarettes in a day now. haiz. addiction....

wish to go back for holiday. but don't wish to see my parents. is our 20 years of relation so fragile. my world is collapsing around me. in the end none i can depend on except myself.

been coughing all nights these few days. can feel my health is deteriorating. fated, you can run, but you cant hide from it. you reap what you sow. 10 years it shall be then. shall use the time to the fullest.

there is a limit to and for everything. my limit already reached. training for the whole full months physically tired. which is good can make me sleep at night dun need to think about anything. training and smoking nonstop. my body reach it's limit. too tired for anything. mentally and physically tired. my friends say i can go crazy if this carry on. but what can i do....

basketball day. but didnt play much. well i haven even really start play and e game already end. and when i really getting serious i end the game too fast. haiz... need to control my pace. one good thing though my friend told me i back at my old pace haha. nice... well at least i know my hard work and training doesnt wasted and still have some room for improvement. i still can go faster. guys please be patience with me. soon nothing can stop us in the basketball court. LOL...soon...

emo really can spread like virus. help friends to forget. and i end up feeling it myself. fuck la. well anyway final preparation for my work are almost done. can start do my work soon. hope all went well. and saw a shooting star few days ago. somehow it bright green. well anyway it nice. first time saw it and i saw it at nyp after basketball game LOL. weird things is keep on happening around me. and my brain. i keep on forgetting simple stuff i done recently. think i am having some brain disorder. getting old i guessed. one last thing. to my dearest friend if u read this. u owe me 1 pack mallboro menthol. and please stop throw my cigarettes!!!lol...

slowly losing my belief. maybe this is the best. when you lost something precious to you, is it really lost? or is it just waiting for you to find it? wish i am the wind. invisible, without form to roam freely the vast world. searching and searching and searching........ it's the only things i can do. when can i end this hide and seek game?

EMO season is here. well to all my EMO gang members. be strong dun lead yourself to astray. not worth it alrites.
hey cupid!!! you never do your job properly man. start shoot your arrows. this world need love badly.

wishing list:
1. new laptop
2. get my driving license
3. get TOYOTA RAV4(M)
4. find a double degree accounting and finance
5. growth up
6. lose some kilos
7. 1 million in my account before turn 25
8. get a motorbike

every obstacles in life will make you growth stronger. but it can also destroy you. it depends on how you faced it. faced it bravely and you will find your prized at the end of it. there is always light at the end of every dark and long tunnel. one way or another you will find the light. keep the flame in your heart lighted. it will guide you to your throphy. the throphy of your life. the most valuable treasure on earth. the prove that you have overcome all there is to be afraid of.

nothing much happened these few days. can say quite a boring days. my friend asked me a question today. he asked whether i want to stay in this place forever. if in the past i will answer it with full confident "YES!!!". but now a big question which hard to answer. there is nothing left that can hold me to stay in this place. i changed so much these time round. do things which i will never do in past. maybe this is my choice. choice of life. is this life the one i will walk on forever? another piece of my life puzzle found. take a step at a time. it is the only thing i can do now. time change but people change even faster than time. which 1 will survive in the end. time or people?

old illness come back again. keep on feeling sleepy for no reason. but it understandable since i only sleep few hours every night. think i must get some sleeping pills to help me sleep better. still i must find a way to keep awake. it's my last semester must work hard.

and 1 more thing i registered my tp test. final test before getting my driving license. well good luck for me. finally i can drive soon haha.

heavy resposibility. too much expectation from my family. they pinned all their hopes on me. this heavy weight i carry on my shoulder. i getting tired. when can i have my rest? when can i retire? when can i have my own space? when can i be myself? i have been a great cheater all this time. when can i show my trueself? how i longed for the home i will never find. the home i will never have. the home i will never feel. the home that is moving away from my grips. the invisible home i will never able to see. home that is gone from me.

went to australia university open house today. hmmm went there to find more info regarding my degree but doesn't get the right info i was looking for. so went to some other private sch to find out more. their offer is attractive but sound too attractive so have doubts in them. still don't know what to do what to choose. but my goal is set finance and accounting. shall search for it till i found one. must get my MBA before i turn 28.

then i suddenly remembered what my uncle told me once. in this working world there are 3 types of working man. first type is the man who work for money. second is the man who work for man. third is money work for man. of all the 3, the third is the scariest. it the highest you can go in your life. and my dream is to be the third type of man. shall see whether can turn it into reality.

keep on having headache lately. dun wish to take med hope can heal by itself. and my laptop giving me the same problem again. one after another all problems come. and my head feeling like exploding. this headache. if it getting worse maybe i should go see doc. now what can go worse??

there is a IT fair at suntec. went there to see if there any cheap laptop. well didn't find any cheap 1 but saw plenty of beauties around especially those models lol. but despite it all still cant find any interest in them. feel so normal. looks like i have lost interest in woman. but i am still straight and will always straight till the day i die=]

passed by to the place that i hate most. her work place. thought i have forgotten it all but suddenly all the memories came back. all memories about us, it feel just like yesterday. my friends told me after a while it will be disapeared but doesn't feel like it going to happen anytime soon. fate is cruel. read this line from somewhere "love is not about finding someone you can live with. but to find someone you can live without." nice and deep meaning but also pain. i hate what it's called love.

this time i really in deep shit. spend too much for this year. desperately need to find solution. why i suddenly become so rash in deciding all of it. first thing first, i need to cut down smoking. spend too much on it. wth!!!!! hope my first business trial will take off soon. this is the only thing i can depend on and to focus all my heart and soul. i swear i will make it happen and successfull. no matter what happens i will CONQUER this world with my perseverance.

today go driving. nice man. haven been driving for ages haha. it nice to have car hoho. after graduate i confirm will buy 1 cheap car LOL. although my mum sure will kill me if i asked her to buy me 1. but it's alright. save my own and get 1.

went to nbl lib, but so many ppl there. can't find any space to do my work. end up walking around with my buds around city area. then we stop by a small church there. went in and pray to GOD. got a homey feeling for me. i realised it been quite long since i went to a church.

on my way home saw some kids with their parents. they look so happy haha. nice to have a perfect family. miss the time when i still have mine. family is like a home where i can go home to but now it's gone. thought i found one here but she left haha. when i start thinking about past, inside me start to cry. before i realised it my tears came out again. i promised her i won cry anymore but it hard to do so. i such a loser and failure. when my family need me most i not there. when my sis need her big bro to protect her i not there. when my mum need her son to protect her i not there. if only i never came to this stupid country i still have a home to go to. when i thought i find my new home she also left me. this lone feeling getting more and more irritating.

finally fixed my laptop. as i have guessed my OS crashed. looks like there is too much stuffs inside my hard disk. need to remove some just like in my life. i need to start to remove some ugly thoughts from my mind. get a good scolding from my friend last night. well he is right i really need to start thinking about where i am going to from now on. keep on going like this is not the best solution. if it keep on going like this i only going to harm myself more. there is always first time in everything. time for me to take the initiative, dare to take the first step in mylife. looks like i still need more time to deal with all my problems and gathering all my broken pieces. feels so tired...tired saying sorries , tired of regreting, tired of all. when can i break free from my own jail? maybe it will be the time i leave this world.

TIRED....................

If what had written for me is the best for you,
I will make you to be my most beautiful memories.
But it is impossible for me to erase your foot's step,
as it had embedded in my life.
As long my heart still beating,
I will always remember you as my true love.

really unlucky day. laptop broke down. must bring to their main office to repair wth!!!!!!!!!!!!! arrrrr.. y all bad things always happened to me. starting to really fed up man!!!!!!!!!!! oh GOD bring forward all your test to me. I will braced it all till the very end. and i shall grow stronger. just like YOU want me to. thanks GOD.........

went to ntu tea ceremony with hanyu this afternoon at swisshotel. he is accepted by all 3 biggest universities in singapore haha. nice work LOL. well anyway the ntu lecturers are very friendly and nice. think it should be nice if i can study there. but too bad, i don't feel like continue study IT field. so bye bye ntu LOL...

end up walking around library and chat all the way till dinner time. talks a lots and suddenly struck on my mind our 10 years promise which 3 of us made 5 years ago. time is ticking and we still haven even see where our life will bring us to. left with 5 more years to fulfill our promise. 5 years is fast man. just like a blink of eyes. hey guys lets buck up and fulfill our promise leave no regret alright!!!!!!!!!! shape our own destiny with our own hand.

life is about completing a big jigsaw puzzle. you will never know what your life will be until you placed all the pieces together. human being is special creature. all they have go through in life love, confident, character and others no matter what it never gone. it always inside them. we may forget them but we never lost them. not now tomorrow or in future. live life to the fullest. live with no regret. and aim for the highest. future is unpredictable full with unlimited possibilities. be somebody. show to the world that you can do it. use your own strength and shine. shine like the stars. be the brightest star you can be as life is short. treasure your life as it happen only once and it more precious then anything this world can valued. live life that you will never forget and leave beautiful memories about us that can never be forgotten.

respect is something you earn with your own sweat and blood. it is not something you can get just by saying it. some people deserve your respect and some are not

totally pissed off today. feel like smashing some ppl head. so went to gym and vent off some steam. think i over do it and i end up with injured arms. my whole right hand cant move or carry things temporary. went to play basketball with friends but disapointed cuz i cant even move my hand. end up with heavy lost. sorry guys i not in mood in anything today. sorry if i make any one angry. blame myself for my mistakes

went to this private school which offer lots of nice interesting courses and nice environment to study too. well they say their courses is one of the best in the world and their certification is recognize internationally range from diploma to masters. quite interested in their degree programmes.. shall find out more about them haha... see some light regarding my studies LOL

dunno y lately i interested in double degree courses. my friends think i losing my mind. want to take dbl deg while working haha.. well i sure am getting nutzzz...

feel very tired and sleepy. want to go home and sleep. but when reached home, i cant sleep anymore. wth!!! start to hate my room. don't have the cossy feeling anymore. once more i drifting apart... wish i had a bottle of whisky and cigar on my hand now..........

passed my final theory haha...good one step closer to get my driving license haha.. and i pass after first try hoho.. surprised when i not study much whahahaha.. well can start planning to buy my car soon.. RAV4 or Toyota RUSH. quite like both..hmmmmmm hard choice.

lately feel my legs muscle getting stronger. looks like my training use ankle weight does pay off..can i dunk soon?? LOL.....

i dunno why today suddenly feel like smoking. luckily i can hold my craving. looks like i have become addicted to it

today skip 3 hrs of class. went to fun world and play pool there haha.... getting more n more bold these day man... n slacker ...wonder how are we going to pass this sem lol.. well anyway my aiming gets worse.. need to play more LOL

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS AROUND THE WORLD.
give special thanks to my mum who has been there for me since young. thanks mums i can never repay my debts to you. no amount of money can ever repay for all that you have going through to bring me up.
thanks mum. your the best.
loves you

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind

One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time

There's no use looking back or wondering

How it could be now or neither been

All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

Somewhere in my memory

I lost all sense of time

And tomorrow can never be

'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind

There's no use looking back or wondering

How it should be now or neither been

Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

You'll always be the dream that fills my head

You'll always be the one I know

There's no use looking back or wondering

Because love is a strange and funny thing

No matter how I try and try

I just can't say goodbye

I never had a dream come true

Till that day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on

You'll always be my baby

I never found the words to say

You're the one I think about each day

And I know no matter where love takes me to

A part of me will always be...

A part of me will always be...with you

suddenly thinking about her. this time it getting worse. trying to let it go but it gets harder. what am i thinking? she already have a new life with the 1 she love. i should be happy for her. this is sucks. the more i tried to let go the worsen it gets. feel like digging my heart out and stab it. i getting tired each day................

attend yoga class for first time in my entire life LOL...was quite fun with all the streching and stuff. really make ur body sweat man.. haha..then went to gym and do some exercise. feel lots lighter lately lol...(lose 3 kg today haha) nice :) must do more work out... target to lose 20 kg for me haha... will see how it goes for this month LOL... my old weight here i come wahaha.....

ALONES

Your fragile, folded wings
Are just tired from the pure blue sky
You don’t have to force your smiles for anyone
It’s okay to smile….for yourself
That lonely feeling keeps coming up on me
A single candle burns still inside
There shouldn’t be an expensive chandelier in a wild place like this
Can I really bury it all with empty words?
I don’t even know anymore
As long as we can swim freely in our dreams
We don’t need that sky anymore
Even if u can’t let go of the past
I’ll still be there to meet you tomorrow
Your fragile, folded wings
Are just tired from the pure blue sky
You don’t have to force your smiles for anyone
It’s okay to smile….for yourself

from: BLEACH

physically in sch but mind is some where else. i officially feeling sick of studying.. wat happen to me man...no mood in doing anything....lets rise HELL in this world!!!!!!!!!!!!

am i strange? i keep asking this question so may times today. maybe i am. when those close to me do some mistake on me, i never scold or curse them. in fact i keep on forgiving them. i getting tired of this. be a good man is getting harder for me. i wanna be a bad guy. i remember once when i was young. my parent had a heated argument just over a small little thing. i was still sharing my room with my little sis at that time. at around midnight my mum took insectiside to my room and asked me "Do you wanna go with me?". i was so scare and my sis already sleeping, lucky she is sleeping. she don't have to go through hell with me on that night. while my mum depression getting worse, all my dad do was smoking outside the house. leaving me to help my mum from life and death. and so happened it was my birthday night. since that day i start to hate my dad. but my heart can never hate him. and now they both seperate but not divorce. been trying to make them reunite again but other just don't get my intension. i don't know since when this happen to me. always fighting for the impossible. when will this fighting end? i getting sick of my life. wish i was dead. now i only have 1 wish to GOD. please take me away. always looking for tomorrow, wishing i will die in my sleep. wish i will never wake up tomorrow. my darkness starting to eat me from inside. losing my sanity. i becoming the one type of person i hate most.

first time write this kind of thing...hope can help me go through with my life haha... been break up with suhuan for over a month now, but still cant forget her. love can make and destroy man no matter how good they are. hard to see her with another man and hear she say that 3 letters words to another man. been trying to move on with life but it getting harder with each passing days. can i really move on? we shall see how. oh GOD help me going through this life, been thinking lots stuff lately. looks like i have not been growing up much lately, especially after since secondary sch. been living in the pass for too long, maybe that why she left me. too much maybe too much despair. make a discovery about myself, relationship is the most important thing in my life. it like my greatest strength and weakness. i have decide to close my heart. will never again fall for it. let fate decide on my life. time to say good bye my BELOVED. i will be your angel watching over your from far just like i been doing all this time. looks like it my fate to be able to watch you only from afar. steeling my heart making it stronger. looks like i have been complaining too much to my friends. well in life no matter what happens only your TRUE FRIENDS will stay by your side. thanks guys for being there when i need your support. come to think of it i only have very few friends in my 5 years in singapore haha... hmmm should increase my circle of friends more LOL...