there is a IT fair at suntec. went there to see if there any cheap laptop. well didn't find any cheap 1 but saw plenty of beauties around especially those models lol. but despite it all still cant find any interest in them. feel so normal. looks like i have lost interest in woman. but i am still straight and will always straight till the day i die=]

passed by to the place that i hate most. her work place. thought i have forgotten it all but suddenly all the memories came back. all memories about us, it feel just like yesterday. my friends told me after a while it will be disapeared but doesn't feel like it going to happen anytime soon. fate is cruel. read this line from somewhere "love is not about finding someone you can live with. but to find someone you can live without." nice and deep meaning but also pain. i hate what it's called love.

this time i really in deep shit. spend too much for this year. desperately need to find solution. why i suddenly become so rash in deciding all of it. first thing first, i need to cut down smoking. spend too much on it. wth!!!!! hope my first business trial will take off soon. this is the only thing i can depend on and to focus all my heart and soul. i swear i will make it happen and successfull. no matter what happens i will CONQUER this world with my perseverance.

today go driving. nice man. haven been driving for ages haha. it nice to have car hoho. after graduate i confirm will buy 1 cheap car LOL. although my mum sure will kill me if i asked her to buy me 1. but it's alright. save my own and get 1.

went to nbl lib, but so many ppl there. can't find any space to do my work. end up walking around with my buds around city area. then we stop by a small church there. went in and pray to GOD. got a homey feeling for me. i realised it been quite long since i went to a church.

on my way home saw some kids with their parents. they look so happy haha. nice to have a perfect family. miss the time when i still have mine. family is like a home where i can go home to but now it's gone. thought i found one here but she left haha. when i start thinking about past, inside me start to cry. before i realised it my tears came out again. i promised her i won cry anymore but it hard to do so. i such a loser and failure. when my family need me most i not there. when my sis need her big bro to protect her i not there. when my mum need her son to protect her i not there. if only i never came to this stupid country i still have a home to go to. when i thought i find my new home she also left me. this lone feeling getting more and more irritating.

finally fixed my laptop. as i have guessed my OS crashed. looks like there is too much stuffs inside my hard disk. need to remove some just like in my life. i need to start to remove some ugly thoughts from my mind. get a good scolding from my friend last night. well he is right i really need to start thinking about where i am going to from now on. keep on going like this is not the best solution. if it keep on going like this i only going to harm myself more. there is always first time in everything. time for me to take the initiative, dare to take the first step in mylife. looks like i still need more time to deal with all my problems and gathering all my broken pieces. feels so tired...tired saying sorries , tired of regreting, tired of all. when can i break free from my own jail? maybe it will be the time i leave this world.

TIRED....................

If what had written for me is the best for you,
I will make you to be my most beautiful memories.
But it is impossible for me to erase your foot's step,
as it had embedded in my life.
As long my heart still beating,
I will always remember you as my true love.